Smooth Jazz

Ironically, enraging.

apartmenttherapy.com

The only place where the headline "Inside the Marimekko Factory" warrants an exclamation point.

Topshop

Topshop and I have very different ideas about "perfect poolside looks." Me: modest swimsuit. Topshop: Navajo-glitter fusion.

Dodge Magnum

Sports hearse.

Port

Pretentious liquid raisins.

The Audience at the Flight of the Conchords show at DAR, April 14, 2009

Ah! I see you are back. Now, PLEASE SHUT UP.

Sarah Jessica Parker

By far the cutest Mario Brother.

Guest post from Colin.

"Lost"

How Lost seems to me now:
"Oh no. Someone, help. We have to come up with a way to make Locke dead...but NOT dead! Quick! CHRIST, COME UP WITH SOMETHING!!!"
"Magnetic pockets of energy?"
"YES."

"Just a Friend" by Biz Markie

"I went to a gate to ask where was her dorm / This guy made me fill out a visitors form." Really? Rap lyrics should be about parties and dancing and fun and ladies. Not paperwork.

"Space Buddies"

I'm sure these are good dogs. People, we need to remember these dogs did not write this movie nor choose to be in it. I'm sure people love them, and they did not even know they were on a set. They just thought people were being nice to them and got to wear fun suits. Do not blame these dogs!

"25 Random Things About Me" Meme on Facebook

1 - 25: I love attention.

Stonyfield Farm fat-free key lime yogurt

Lime-ish, thick, chemical milk.

FoodNetwork.com

"This recipe is super duper simple, people! Just go to FoodNetwork.com, spend 11 minutes using their crappy new search engine and figuring out where the eff the recipes are, then spend another 15 minutes waiting for the goddamn pages to load. Once you have the recipe, it only takes 4 minutes to prepare. There's your 30 Minute Meal! YUM-O!"

Attending the Inaugural Festivities

Ever tried to use a porta-potty while wearing a parka and long underwear? With 40,000 people in line behind you?

Chocolate Diamonds II

These come out of my guinea pig. And I don't make TV commercials about it.

West Side Story Broadway Preview at DC's National Theater

There's a place* for us**...
Somewhere...a place* for us**

* Broadway
** Everyone except the guy who played Tony

Goldfinger

Golfinger! The man with the golden putt!

"Chocolate" Diamonds

Crystal poops.

MTV Video Music Awards Choreography

Enough with the sexy Thunderdome zombie dances.

"Shopgirl" (Film)

Claire Danes shaves her legs two dozen times. Contemplatively.